OH, LARRY!: KANYE WEST IS HAVING HIS LIZA MINNELLI MOMENT

Kanye West has reached total skeevemaster flex status, and I’m not saying that because his GOOD Friday singles covers are full of naked/bloodied/dead whitegirls (SEEN IT) or because his wangpiece is all up on your laptop screen (SEEN IT). I am saying that because he has reached the Liza Minnelli-in-Vegas point of his career, where he cannot get through a track now without inviting at least five special guests to join him on the number–propping him up, letting a verse free, as though he must justify its very existence. Normally I’d ‘diagnose’ that he’s filling in the empty crevices of his soul or self-esteem by surrounding himself with people, but any cracks in his egomaniacal armor that make him such a lovable dichotomy feel as though they’re sealing up. Rather, this is totally dude’s prime-time/network television phase–he is inclined to walk around wearing a torso-sized bust of Horus, after all–meaning that every GOOD Friday track has alternately felt like a Bob Hope Xmas special (ELTON!)… or a stoopidcrazyridiculous freestyle cipher from 1996. I am not into either of those because I am under 75 and also a girl. Most of his guests are A. lesser members of the GOOD crew or B. have owned and worn a small crocheted yarmulke at least once at some point in their careers. And sorry dudes but like the songs are kinda really not that awesome–in addition to shit being cluttered like my bedroom and kinda aimless in their ambition, the best tracks have either Yeezers dolo or dueting. Fucking POWER, fucking DEVIL IN A NEW DRESS, YES. Runaway can survive the apocalypse. GOOD Friday, that other one, that other one and that other one, total sleeping bag on the cold ground in the woods at like 4am nahmean.

This new track is just fucking OD, though. It is VEGAS GONE WILD; John Legend, The-Dream, Ryan Leslie, Tony Williams, Charlie Wilson, Elly Jackson, Alicia Keys, Fergie, Kid Cudi, Rihanna, and Elton John. Oh and Kanye is in there somewhere. Actually I take back the Liza, this dude wants to be motherfucking Phil Spector. Is he getting weary of making music? I don’t know but I’m getting weary of hearing lots of people I wouldn’t even hold the subway door open for if they were tumbling down the stairs and carrying a baby. KANYE WE KNOW YOU ARE FAMOUS. I miss old Kanye. College Dropout was his best album, when his sense of humor wasn’t preserved in a jar of self-awareness, like some kind of taxidermied penguin on display at a penguin-themed hotel. (ACTUAL THING FROM MY HOMETOWN [sidebar, 'THE MANAGER DOESN'T ALLOW JOVIALITY WITH THE PENGUIN'])

Googling the penguin totally derailed this entire operation.

But don’t front on the feature-length video “Runaway” cause that shit is his Mariah Carey’s Glitter and it’s fucking awesome. SO CAMPYYYYY!

SIDEBAR SIDEBAR. PROOF THAT KANYE IS ILLUMINATI, HIS FUCKING ALBUM COVERS MAKE UP A FULL TAROT DECK. BELIEVE IT YALL JAY-Z IS THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT

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3 Responses to OH, LARRY!: KANYE WEST IS HAVING HIS LIZA MINNELLI MOMENT

  1. Natalia says:

    I miss College Dropout-era Kanye too. At that time he seemed like a reg’lar dude who was funny and even a little sweet. Now, exactly as you say, pickled penguin in a jar. I love some of the songs off this album but I can’t relate to marrying “porn stars” in bathrooms.

  2. Chance says:

    Kanye is an artist’s artist…period. Like him or not, Yeezy is our current day Warhol. Now what is truly taxidermied is this pretentious/over reaching article.
    Clearly you’re not as good at writing as Kanye is at being, well just let’s say at being Kanye. Try less hard in the future; your insecure skirt is showing.

  3. sdf says:

    what the fuck? chill out girl. your whole sentiment just needs one big “y u mad 4 tho” cat pic or something.

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