Our Cock Sauce

Now that our homemade KniQuil killed the germs, we need something to keep ’em dormant. Enter our own concoction of this infamous hot sauce. And minus the sodium bisulfate!
The first time we contemplated making our own cock sauce (you know, Sriracha, “Rooster” sauce, whatever you wanna call it) was a couple years ago. Thanks to a surge in popularity the maker of the sweet and tangy green-top squeeze bottle was undergoing a bit of a supply-and-demand problem. Yup, the Rosemead, CA factory was behind on orders. It got so bad, event planners in Texas were calling L.A. distributors for pallets of the stuff. Alex fielded one of those calls from a poor fucking Texan willing to pay twice the price! Terrified of running out ourselves, we played with a fresh red chile recipe – essentially red jalapeños and vinegar – and came across something we thought came close, a nuclear orange puree. In retrospect, we were kidding ourselves.
That sweet tang… not sugar. Although there’s a bunch of palm sugar added to this tradish Thai compound, the real thang is aged for several days to let the chili and garlic actually ferment until bubbly. With our newfound obsession with fermenting wild things in our kitchen, we gave it another go. Head to head with the “real stuff,” nearly indistinguishable.

(Makes 1 1/2 cup)

1 lbs. Red Thai chiles (about 1 1/2 cups)
4 cloves Garlic
1 1/2 tsp. Kosher salt
2 Tbs. Agave nectar
1/4 cup Filtered water
1/4 cup White vinegar
1. Remove the stems from your chiles and roughly chop ’em up. Toss them in your blender or food processor (seeds and all). Peel and add garlic. Add salt. Add agave nectar (cane sugar works here too.)
2. Pulse the mixture for about 20 seconds, adding up to 1/4 cup filtered water if needed to help it move.
3. Transfer the mixture using a spatula into a glass vessel (we used a measuring cup) and cover it tightly with plastic wrap. Set aside somewhere warm, out of sight, and let ferment for 4 to 5 days.
4. Remove plastic and skim any discolored spots or fuzzy mold. Dump the fermented chili paste into a saucepot and place on medium heat. Add vinegar. Let the mixture hit a rolling boil and turn down to simmer. Let cook for about 5 minutes before turning off and letting it cool.
5. Return the mixture to a food processor and blend thoroughly one last time, about 2 minutes, or until the seeds are completely crushed and you’ve attained a beautiful, fiery red-orange consistency.
6. Place a fine mesh strainer over a jar, a measuring cup or other storage vessel and dump your puree into the strainer. Using a spatula, gently swipe the surface of the mesh to keep the puree filtering through. Once you’re left with just a goopy pile of crushed fiber, you’re done. Bottle and use as desired.

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9 Responses to Our Cock Sauce

  1. quarrygirl says:

    oooh, thanks for cracking the code. we have been experimenting with homemade hot sauces, but are still novices at this point. will be sure to give this a try.
    BTW, have you ever had aardvark hot sauce from portland? it’s my favorite of all time. cock sauce is a close second.

  2. EVAN says:

    We’ve seen Aardvarks around. Although we tend to believe the maxim that white men can’t make hot sauce. Portland turned us on to Mary sharps (carrot habanero) and that was the gateway drug to yucateca sauces. Yucateca yucateca yucateca!

  3. ali&evan says:

    Bless you, Guys. First the KniQuil and now your very own cock sauce. Cold/Flu seasoned be damned!

  4. Jess says:

    dried chiles ok? or just fresh?

  5. EVAN says:

    Fresh, yeah? We’re not saying it won’t taste good using dried chiles (though you’ll definitely want to rehydrate them for 10 minutes in warm/hot water). But it won’t be the same in color or taste, especially since you’re hoping for fermentation to make the chiles sparkle on the tongue.

  6. julie says:

    Will this require refridgeration to keep it? Was thinking about mailing it for holiday presents, but not sure how well it will keep through the us postal service.

  7. EVAN says:

    Hmmmm. It is already fermented and all, but several days in the mail might not be a good idea for several reasons. Definitely consider overnighting it, and packing it well.

  8. julie says:

    ok, I made it! It is delicious, but too effin hot for anyone I was thinking to send it to. wow. it. is. hot. yum!

  9. How did I never see that you guys made a version of Sriracha? You’d think it would have come up during conversation somehow. Viva la Sriracha! errrr cock sauce…
    – Randy Clemens –

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