CEDAR RAPIDS

Life is too precious for anyone to spend time visiting with this movie. That’s the short version.

Yesterday we were standing there at the video store in new releases wondering about the hundreds of movies we missed, and missed the scuttlebutt on because when you are parents of a one-year-old you don’t see movies out of the home much. “Ah, Cedar Rapids, maybe it will be funny?” Matt said sure. William said “EEEEEEEE”. He leans out of his stroller and chirps, he demands to hold the box for Ricky, because it has a baby face on the front and babies love to look at other babies. Ricky is a nice, if strange French film that starts out seeming very much like one kind of movie, but turns into magic realism, and bittersweet, and the only thing I wish is that their CGI budget was like triple, so that the magic parts were more real and less Mario Cart. ALAS.

I bet the new Saw movie is more depressing than the “comedy” of Cedar Rapids, but I bet Saw is probably funnier. The recent spate of “this is supposed to be funny because these people are so sadly, desperately pathetic” comedies–namely Cyrus, another film where John C. Reily is put to poor use as a sad sack divorcee–but the over-the-topness of the pathos is quite nearly cruel. A loser insurance salesman whose parents are long dead is banging his swinging 6th grade teacher, his whole life is gee shucks and sad and he has a normal job and gets to go Iowa for a convention, where through banging a wasted married woman (played by the always unwatchable Anne Heche) and befriending the guy that played Clay Davis on The Wire (really the movies saving grace, though they make him mention three time that he loves watching the Wire, HA HA GET IT HE IS ON THAT SHOW! FOURTH WALL, WINK WINK NUDGE FART!). There is a talent show and he gets his ass beaten and does coke with a hooker while telling her how pathetic her life is, and in exchange she offers him anal sex because he really gets her (And, really is there a better all-purpose thank you than that? They should have an aisle for it at Hallmark stores!).

Cedar Rapids =Napoleon Dynamite for grown-ups X a white guy’s How Stella Got Her Groove Back– the Carribbean + 40 Year Old Virgin. And starring the dude from The Hangover that has a career simply because he’s the Steve Carrell in movies that can’t afford Steve Carrell.

Strangely, the third act (we discussed turning it off no less than 4 times, but the only other movie we had on hand is a documentary about the plight of working moms, which is not ideal when you just wanna turn off your brain (WHERE IS LOBOTOMIST JON HAMM WHEN I NEED HIM?!)) was kind of funny. A horrible fate for a comedy–no laughs til an hour and ten minutes in–and a horribler fate for our night.

I am really sorry I cannot report on better movies lately, readers. But in GREAT NEWS I am very possibly seeing ‘Transformers 3: End of Days Panty Raid’ tonight. (Related: Yesterday Matt and I discussed why no one has made “Victoria’s Secret: The Movie” –Michael Bey, your life is calling.) Also, do you guys think Sleepy La Beef is related to Shia La Boeuf?)

Our fellow critic here, Regarding, has injured her arm quite seriously, so hopefully while she recouperates she can watch tons of movies in bed and then when her cast comes off fill us all in. WISH HER WELL IN THE COMMENTS.

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2 Responses to CEDAR RAPIDS

  1. rch says:

    I am real sorry to hear that your arm has come to harm.

    Thank you for the great V.S. joke about M.B. I love it. I hope he reads this blog and makes it real. p.s. Shia kicks a**

  2. kim says:

    “. . . he’s the Steve Carrell in movies that can’t afford Steve Carrell.”

    Ain’t it the truth. Ed Helms is the wood pulp in the 99 cent taco of film.

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