PLANET OF THE APES THE NEW ONE WITH FRANCO

Franco as monkey dad, but he finds, soon enough, father doesn't always know best...


I loved it! Wow. SO wished I had seen it in the theatre so as to catch the transformative CGI gleam in those monkey eyes. I almost cried when the lil monk was having a sad time of things because now that I am a mom any baby-thing suffering might as well be your baby. So what if it’s a movie magic gorilla? Sanctity of the mammalian spirit, I guess. But the rest! APES SO PUNK. It is real #occupybananastreet up in there. You gotta watch it. Real thrilling popcorn fare, but more complex than you are anticipating.

Totally Doogie Howsering that shit.


ONLY PROBLEM, though I guess it is not Hollywood’s problem, or even an issue of note for actor James Franco: he is ageless. His life in the apeflick spans a decade, a dozen years, perhumps? HE LOOKS 19. The whole time. Perfect in a movie where he is a weed dealer or a handsome prince or like, a groovy goofus sawing his hand from it’s rock trap. Not a doctor. Not the head scientist of the fortune 50 drug maker. He looks like, tops, he could be a first year resident. MEBBE. Or a fucking vet technician. In a commercial about a community college where you can get yr vet tech degree in just 16 months. Not a real one. Even with a total asshole’s haircut, he still looks like he should be delivering you a lid of bad weed on a skateboard.

See what I mean?

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