Dog

ALSO: This snoopy turns 2 in June. He is a man grown.

At the park the other day he was trying to find his stick. His body language is really funny when he’s in “find it” mode, he’s unusually wiggly. This lady walking a baby carriage stops and raises her sunglasses and says with no preamble: “Such a wonderful tail…..so expressive,” then kept walking.

Dog philosophies are so different. Some people have such well-trained dogs, who know so many tricks and commands and are really alert to following orders. On the one hand I am really jealous of those dogs’ owners but on the other hand I just find it so boring to try to teach him things. I wanted a dog to just be a hang-out buddy and he is the Supreme Best at doing that, so I guess whatever. But it is embarrassing at the dog park sometimes. You find yourself apologizing. “He’s really poorly trained,” you say, as you chase him around the field trying to get the ball he stole. You realize you are that person you always hated, who’s, like, on their cellphone while their horrible toddler throws garbage at the penguins in the zoo. “Come on guys,” in a bored voice. Like, if your kids/dog are horribly trained it’s because you are a lazy stupid asshole. I realize that about myself and I don’t like it. Maybe today I will train him to do something. I tried to get him to jump through the hula hoop but he’s afraid of the hula hoop. The other thing that makes it hard to train him is that he’s scared of almost everything.

But then you realize that he actually has learned so much, it’s just not in the context of being specifically taught things. For example, we’re slowly figuring out all the words and phrases he knows. We have to spell around him sometimes, to keep him from freaking out if we say the “W” word! Here are all the words and phrases he knows:
- out of the kitchen
- butt out
- bedtime
- walk
- go for a walk
- find it
- what’s this
- I’m leaving
- fetch/fetching
- make it happen (for peeing)
- poop (for pooping)
- stay
- stop
- each of our names
- the names of each of his chew toys: kong, bone, ball
- outside
- Franklin
- hey

“Hey” cracks me up. Just a general word meaning pay attention. HEY! He’s like “huh?”

I wish he were 10 times his size so I could ride him.

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One Response to Dog

  1. kim says:

    Well, he is terribly photogenic. And you have given him a wonderful childhood.

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