Finally Finals

Gave my last final today. Now on to the grades! Fs for all! Just kidding. JUST KIDDING.

Look at this.

Two of my all-time least favorite things TOGETHER AT LAST???? I hope this movie makes negative a trillion dollars and that everyone who worked on it is divorced by their spouses! I hope a flood literally washes away all the prints of the film and sucks them down into some smoldering volcanic maw at the bottom of the sea from whose bourne no traveler returns!

You know what’s annoying is how big of a boner either Lane or Denby is going to have for this movie. It’s got it all: sexy dames working hard to please their fellas (for Lane), the hagiographic glorification of obnoxious young white men (for Denby), and the rank fetishization of a bygone golden age (for both of them). Hooray! It’s a Christmas miracle, god bless us, every one!

It is absolutely pouring. I love it. It’s cozy as heck. I’m going to work all day then clean my office then do yoga then take a bath then curl up and watch a movie with my old ding dong and my human ding dong. And I ordered something on amazon and at the last minute I threw in a pair of groovy slippers and oh, I wish I’d paid for overnight shipping! THESE ARE THE TRIALS OF HERCULES

Other things:

buying a huge sack of mandarin oranges and then you can eat as many as you want every day and somehow there’s always more of them

sandwich for lunch made of crisp pink lady apples, smoked gouda, arugula, and french bread: #nobigdeal

building my course reserves at the library just going so smoothly thanks to wonderful competence of everyone working there, what a delight and a load off my mind, isn’t it awesome when people are just really good at their jobs?

Goldberg Variations driving home in the downpour, saying out loud to yourself “Man, what a great composer,” meaning J.S. Bach

Talking to student about school shootings, then shrugging and saying “what are you gonna do” and then giving student their final

Discovery of bar near house that serves vegan frito pie and has shuffleboard

Really liking new haircut and glasses

Getting email accidentally sent from total stranger, subject line: “Never, Ever Forget This Traitor.” Email concerns Jane Fonda and the left wing liberal media. In response to my request to be taken off this address list, I am told to “have a blessed christmas.” Resist urge to reply “DON’T TELL ME MY BUSINESS, DEVIL WOMAN”

“Why not go visit the new K-Mart? And while you’re at it, why not go see the old K-Mart, which is now a closed Michaels”

“I lost half my foot. It broke off inside a butt. And I regretted it ever since”

The snoopy has a new admirer, who is a cat. This cat lives a block away and lies in wait for snoopy. When s/he sees him, s/he runs yelling out into the street and across the street and up to the snoop, directly to his face, and starts rubbing on his chest and face and flicking her/his tail on the snoopy’s nose, yelling all the while. Snoopy stands there like ! and then sniffs the cat intensely, so intensely. Then when we walk away the cat chases us yelling. They are Romeo and Juliet maybe (reincarnation)

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