I don’t write much in my analog journal anymore, but sometimes I feel like putting pen to paper and so I do keep one around. It’s also good to have it as a kind of personal file to put the programs from funerals in or whatever. Dark! Anyway, last night I got it out because I wanted a place to write down all the things I’m looking forward to about summer vacation. Even though I’m still on christmas vacation, I already yearn for summer break. I was going to start the entry “I yearn for summer break.” When I opened the journal and turned to the last entry, dated Nov. 30, I found that it began “I yearn for christmas break.” I was appalled and resolved there and then to change my mindset in powerful ways.
What is the point of yearning for the future? When all that truly lies in the future is DEATH? It’s like the movie “Click,” great cautionary fable of our times. Oh Adam Sandler! Enjoy your children’s gentle innocence, for soon your daughter will be grown up and having sex and you will be obsessed by it in a creepy way that is not humorous. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may or whatever.
Surely the only way to be happy is to be happy with things that are happening NOW. Yearning for the future is just as stupid as worrying about the future. Being future-oriented is basically what’s wrong with western society in the first place, if you ask me.
So. There is so much joy in the present day-to-day, and fuck everything else. I get to drink wine and watch comedy DVDs with my bony wild-bearded old man every single night. I get to pat a stinky dog and sing him songs every day. I do work that I love and find challenging every day. I am alive and in possession of my wits as well as all my limbs and most of my faculties, more or less. When summer comes it will be great, but far greater if I have spent the ensuing months living in the moment.
It snowed and then rained, which has been gross. It’s supposed to get cold this week, meaning 20 degrees, which, again, since I’ve been expecting Iowa weather, doesn’t seem so bad, but will entail me not forgetting my mittens like usual when I leave the house. I just emailed all my senators and representatives about approving our contract. We apparently have one of these heinous neoliberal biz-governors who says absurd things about education and doesn’t even have the decency to be ashamed of himself. He said employees of my university are “underworked and overpaid,” which is fucking hilarious. Like what does “overpaid” constitute these days? I just did the math, and BEFORE taxes, insurance, union dues, etc., I make about $25 an hour. Does that seem right, for a college professor? To me that does not seem to obviously constitute the condition of being “overpaid” but I guess I’m not a scientist so what do I know. I guess it would be “overpaying” me if I didn’t actually do much work, but that is not the case. So the only remaining explanation for his comment is that he doesn’t think education constitutes “real work.” In which case he is a bad person and ought not to be in a position of power over others.
Anyway, what are you gonna do? I’m re-reading The Member of the Wedding and thinking about how everyone dies alone. So gather ye rosebuds etc.
Now I must get back to my work that isn’t real work, you know, real work like tricking poor people into getting mortgages they can never pay back and then they lose their home