Life Phases

Well it happened, we bought that house I was telling you about! The deal was sealed last night. It’s so funny how it works. PRIVATE PROPERTY, what a racket. You find a house you like and you go to the seller and you say “I would like to buy the house for this amount of dollars.” Then if you live in a hot real estate market like the place we were first trying to buy a house in, the seller says “ok I have six other offers, everyone give me your ‘best and highest,'” in which case you have to bite your nails and figure out how high you are willing to go, and it’s shitty and kind of bad form but you also can’t totally blame them for doing things that way, this being capitalism and all. And then you give your best and highest offer, and then they are like “no thank you” and it’s over, because some j-hole from New York offered $30,000 over asking price or something, which you can’t compete with. But then if you are buying a house in a normal real estate market, like we just did, you say, “I would like to buy the house for this amount of money” and the seller goes “ok” and then you send over a home inspector who is like “there’s a weird hole in the roof and there’s a cross-connection in the bathtub so if you fill the tub up beyond a certain point all the water will get sucked into the town water supply and cause a public health scandal.” And you go “ok.” And then you go to the seller, “actually I want to give you a lot less money for the house, let me know if that’s ok” and then they go “ok” and you sign the papers and it’s done!

Anyway we have joined the property-owning class and I’ll admit I have mixed feelings about it but also I’m in this stupid game of life to win

Gotta call a guy about storm windows
Gotta call a plumber about that whole bathtub public health emergency situation
Gotta find an apple-picking basket (there’s an apple tree in the yard)
Gotta watch more YouTube videos about how to build a picket fence
Gotta buy a ladder
Gotta figure out my new composting game! Want to take it up a notch, build some sort of rad hutch where you can take the front off and pitchfork around in there.

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One Response to Life Phases

  1. Matt O says:

    Congratulations! Homeowning is a big step, analogous to having a kid imo. There’s this thing you have to take care of, and all the responsibility falls on you, and there’s really no way of totally knowing what it’s like until you do it. While raising a child is certainly more difficult and labor intensive, it also brings joy and love in a way that homeowning does not. Like, you don’t enjoy cleaning the gutters because it means you get to spend some quality time with your house. Anyway, your house sounds awesome and I’m super jealous of your home-buying experience. Buying a house in Portland (or any “cool” city) is like the worst case scenario of that counter-offer BS.

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