My bar trivia team, composed of four professors from four different disciplines, won first prize last night. We were gratified that in addition to knowing the obscure nerd ones, like how Caligula made his horse a senator or something, or that carving a design on a sperm whale tooth is called ‘scrimshaw,’ we also knew the pop culture ones, thus were not revealed to be completely out of touch assholes. We received ten dollars each and a single XXL t-shirt with two people fucking on the front. The drunk 22 year olds later asked me who Caligula was. Boy did they regret asking THAT question! (“That’s….DISGUSTING”)

I am annoyed because the dog keeps obsessively licking his elbows. He has developed unsightly callouses on his front elbows. The vet said it’s no big deal, just a thing that happens to some dogs. He licks them for hours and we yell at him to stop. Should we be exfoliating him? Now he is lying in the hallway like a wet log, for it is very hot.

It LITERALLY MAKES ME PHYSICALLY SICK to open up one of my fucking Word docs and contemplate actually doing any of the work that I need to do. I literally just said “I wish I had some errands to run.” Like Al Franken re-grouting the bathroom tiles in order to avoid listening to Rush Limbaugh’s show.

Tomorrow for my birthday I am going to eat Moroccan food for breakfast.

Yesterday I spent the whole day on campus scanning and uploading things to Moodle and it felt pretty great. Sometime over the summer a mysterious person has dumped three large boxes of unidentifiable stuff in my office, along with an old printer, and two coat trees. The box is full of things like camcorder cassettes with “intro to conducting” written on them in ancient ink. I have no idea what I am supposed to do.

Grant applications. “Reframe the project.” “Explain your intervention.” Bar trivia about scrimshaw is much more fun than this. CONSIDER THIS PROJECT………REFRAMED

“unpack that a bit”
“tease out those implications”
“proceed more dialectically”
“foreground this claim”

My secret fantasy other life is I just write rip-roaring feminist sci-fi novels and don’t have to frame arguments for SHIT

We took the dog to the vet and she called him “dainty” and I said “no, he’s PRISSY”

It is that point in the summer when I am starting to be low-grade stressed out by the constant chirring of whatever bug that is–locusts or something? Day and night, it’s ceaseless! And it lasts far into the autumn. Lord.

We are moving from a house with three large closets into a house with one small closet and we don’t know what to do with our work clothes. Before you suggest it, no, there is literally nowhere to put one of those racks you can hang stuff on. The house is 936 square feet and like 900 of those square feet are the living room.

I am ready to PACK and THROW STUFF AWAY and MOVE INTO MY HOUSE but instead my mother in law is visiting this week and I have to write these goddamn grant applications and figure out what to do with my piano. LORD HAVE MERCY

We now have something like six friends

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