Glad Game Stuff

Things I enjoy about my current life phase:
– eating alone and grossly, with my hands, making smacking noises, in public, is no problem for me
– zero compunctions any longer re: telling crazy and/or menacing men on the street to leave me alone
– Enjoy six hour long Wim Wenders films
– When I see my reflection in a window and am surprised by how insane my untreated bed-head is I don’t care
– Finally feel older than my students, which helps me condescend to them in a way that is helpful to the student/teacher dynamic
– Genuinely prefer my dog to most people
– Ambivalent about my bodily appearance instead of hateful, as one is in youth
– Not on internet that much
– Hair is getting thick and multi-colored and weird
– more easy to detach from political debates with fools instead of getting bogged down and emotional
– having resolved the dread question of whether or not to procreate and feeling great about the decision I made
– boredom of gardening bringing sincere joy and opposite of boredom
– bread baking
– making my own sour pickles in a jug in the pantry
– seeing a Le Crueset dutch oven in the thrift store for $20 sends a shaft of pure electric excitement through me akin to what I once felt upon realizing that a coveted romantic object indeed did want to french with me
– made second trip to thrift store to purchase book from the 1970s on how to build your own sun room; am married to person who declares this to be “badass”
– highlight of many days is coming home to husband wearing Danner boots pouring pots of boiling water on carpenter ant nests
– husband’s long, tangled, silver Knausgaardian gorilla locks

Things I don’t enjoy about my current life phase:
– weird hobbity foot callouses that are so big and strong they actually hurt
– shower curtain mildew bothers me now which is a shame because apparently there’s not a goddamn thing anybody can do about it, probably not even Cheryl Mendelssohn
– accumulating stressful heirlooms I don’t want but must now be the shepherd of
– Phone does not have enough storage to take pictures using the camera so I have to take all pictures in the instagram app
– have not heard of most rappers
– absolutely can not, ever, have more than one cocktail or two beers or I will have nightmares and insomnia and wake up looking and feeling like Frankenstein’s monster, the “demoniacal wretch” to whom some stone-cold idiot “had so miserably given life”
– starting to feel that local bars advertising “live music” of indeterminate genre have a certain appeal
– can not parse many websites; literally can not understand what they are, have to email Mike asking for help (“this is a collaborative database of crowd-sourced ideas” “yeah but what IS it??”)
– extreme alienation from and critical stance toward most contemporary pop cultural phenomena makes me feel genuinely isolated and sad
– receiving informational booklets on “living with hip osteoarthritis” in the mail that have smiling elderly people on the cover

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3 Responses to Glad Game Stuff

  1. freddy says:

    Cheryl Mendelson on shower curtains: “Washing machine manufacturers may recommend that you not wash plastic shower curtains in the machine because they can become brittle with age and crack. I have washed them in the machine many times without encountering this or any problem. But if you cannot afford to have your shower curtain crack or if you are very attached to it, perhaps you had better not try to machine-wash it. Scrub it by hand with a medium-soft brush or cloth wetted with detergent and water as hot as the hand can bear. Test for safety first in an inconspicuous area; then, if you wish, add a little bleach (perhaps 3/4 C per gallon) to help with mildew. Rinse thoroughly when clean. You can also clean shower curtains by spraying them with any nonabrasive bathroom cleaner, letting the cleaner stand, and then wiping and rinsing.”

  2. Rebecca CH AKA Little Tipster says:

    Plastic liners are a great way to tell your subconscious mind, every time you shower, that you don’t respect yourself or your home.

    Go buy a washable shower curtain liner right now:

    Then get a nice cotton curtain (wash 2-3 times a year so it looks pretty):

    If you truly need a transparent shower situation (maybe you’re scared of Norman Bates, maybe you and your husband like to watch each other bathe), put a spray bottle with water and a smidgen of bleach in there and spray your moldy plastic liner when you’re done showering.

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