Hey guys, so do you have a phobia? Does it cause you problems in life, or is it just like a random fact about you? Has it gotten better or worse? Are you embarrassed of it?
I can't deal with needles (in a medical context, not a sewing one). I can't remember a time when I wasn't totally freaked out about them. Like, I am pretty sure I have never watched a needle actually going into skin in real life or on a screen, unless it surprised me, and then I looked away right away. I can just barely get vaccinations; it's super super hard, but it's over so quick that I can barely manage. I don't think it started because of any specific incident.
It didn't used to be a huge problem because I was healthy as a horse, but as I'm #pushinforty, stuff breaks. Like, all my molars are cracking because I grind my teeth every night (through a mouth guard) so I need to get a bunch of crowns, which means horrifying torture dentist syringe with the metal thumb holes. I had a baby, for fuck's sake, and while I told them where they could stuff their GIANT FUCKING SPINE NEEDLE, they forced me to get an IV saline lock in my hand and it may have been the hardest part of the whole experience. I had to get a boob biopsy, and it was definitely the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life, and even Josh was impressed/horrified at how freaked out I was.
I've been saying for the last few years that I need to do something about this. Like, I don't think that I can actually go through with the next dental or major medical issue that comes up. I have become one of those people who can't take care of themselves. I was thinking of looking into hypnosis, because my mom's best friend had an oral surgeon who cured her dental anxiety through hypnosis, but I couldn't figure out how to tell which hypnotists are legit or not.
I did some google research, and it seems like the only treatment with experimental backing is desensitization therapy
(a type of behavioral-conditioning therapy). So I found a therapist who specializes in phobias, and now I have to make a giant list of every possible thing related to needles that freaks me out, then rank them, then start confronting the least scary things with my therapist, until it doesn't freak me out at all. Then I have to move on to the next thing. So, for example, easy things might be seeing someone get their ears pierced, or seeing a syringe on a desk across the room, while hard things will be like going to the blood bank and watching someone give blood, or actually watching while I get a vaccine, or, eventually, getting my overdue crowns done at the dentist.
It seems like you all might find this interesting and want me to write about it as it happens. Yes, no?