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Job Bullshit

edited March 2016
Here is a thread to post utter bullshit you have to deal with in the daily pursuit of your actual job.

Today's:

"We are conducting a large survey seeking professors' feedback and opinions about the current state of educational content. Part of our mission is to transform content into an engaging, interactive experience for both students and professors. "

EDUCATIONAL CONTENT
TRANSFORM CONTENT
CONTENT AS SOMETHING YOU "EXPERIENCE"

My favorite thing about education is probably the content

Comments

  • I don't have a job!

    But I did get my first rejection for a "real" job.
    #babysfirst
  • edited March 2016
    Here was the job I applied for and got recently:


    Jr. Front End Developer(Default)
    Portland, OR

    Company Description

    Fake Name, the pioneer of adaptive digital marketing, is revolutionizing how marketers use data to target audiences across web, mobile, email and social media. As demand for our product skyrockets, we are looking for great people to join our expanding marketing team. If you enjoy an unstructured, fast-paced environment where the only limit to your growth is your own capabilities, contact us today.

    Job Description

    Fake Name is in search of a Junior Front End Developer to join our team! In this role you'll be working closely with our product and marketing teams to develop landing pages, email templates, update web pages and perform other web development tasks as needed to help achieve business goals. You'll also be working closely with our designers to implement their designs and create a finished product that aligns closely with the

    Fake Name product.

    We're looking for someone with limited front-end development experience but is proficient with HTML/CSS/JavaScript.

    Qualifications

    1 year front-end development experience. Demonstrates proficiency using HTML, CSS, and JavaScript.
    Familiarity with the capabilities and limitations of browsers and devices.
    Familiarity with best practices, emerging trends, cross-browser testing and optimizing web page performance.
    Additional information
    Key Responsibilities:
    • Evolve and maintain FakeName marketing website.
    • Email and landing page template development.
    • Internal tool support.



    In actuality they fired all the designers, realized I had a design degree, and made me the default sales designer. So instead of doing what I love and furthering my development skills, I am making mocks and designing whitepapers and datasheets and powerpoint presentations all day. When I brought it up they said "That's what the company needs. You are welcome to find employment elsewhere. We will help you find another job.". This was 3 months into my employment after 2 months of hell looking for another job. I HATE interviews. Nothing causes me more anxiety and panic and deep self loathing than interviews. There has only been one job in 15 years I didn't stay at for at least a year. So I really hate the idea of leaving after finally getting the relief that I could stick with a place for a minute. The other bummer is I LOVE all the developers there. They are all some of the best friends I have had in Portland, and I want so badly to work with them. It's a daily tease. Anyhow, there is some hope in future that they are going to hire someone else to design. It has been brought up recently. So fingers crossed, cause I also just generally hate doing design work anymore so everyday is me forcing smiles in the hope that it changes. Goddammit though. So frustrating that companies are allowed to just change your job at random like that. Especially right after I was hired. I was once a janitor in an office building in high school too. They couldn't just come in tomorrow and tell me I am the cleaning toilets now though right? I guess they could...
  • edited March 2016
    *edit* posted in wrong thread
  • edited March 2016
    @YT @owls @thor this all sucks.

    But @thor I can especially relate to. That REALLY sucks they hired you to be a developer then have you doing Powerpoints and shit. Seems like they could hire a jr level designer to do that stuff pretty cheaply and then you could work with and be mentored by the developers, but maybe the bosses aren't that awesome there?

    Had something like this at my first "design/web" job where I really wanted to code but my CSS was too advanced for the back-end developers so I just spent my days Photoshopping old photos and cutting business cards and stuff.
  • JOBS ARE THE WORST! I'm sorry to all of you (and to me)!
  • You cannot even believe the inappropriate life stories and details I was told by my boss at dinner last night. The level of inappropriateness is so far beyond anything you could even imagine. But I told myself I would not rant to anyone about it, so this is as far as this rant will go.
  • Emailing for details.
  • Ha ha ha. I'm staying strong, MJ.
  • I'm disappointed but not surprised- the teaching gig is super hard to get into. And then the pay is shit and you're participating in the fleecing of our young people, but hey! I just love sharing knowledge!

    I expect to not get even an interview this year.
    It was real fun doing all those long, extended job applications over my winter break.
  • I was pretty clear in interviewing with my place that I was looking for a steady, fostering environment where I could put in a few years after a few years of bouncing around a lot (my own fault - chasing waterfalls). They're like, oh yeah, we have PMs that have been here for years. Turns out their PMs last 6 months on average, aka where I'm at. They are somehow ok with this retention figure and consider it standard.
  • edited March 2016
    @swamp_knobbler_mahan

    Yeah, I remember seeing your 3d skate park stuff and being like DAMN. My bosses are probably fine people. The CEO of the company, for sure, is great. He pulled me outside to shoot hoops the other day. My actual boss just seems like he has never used any technology. He is a pretty good marketing guy, but bosses have just shifted around and I went from a guy who understood everything I do to a new guy who seems to think it's all magic, but not in a good way. It's partially that I am at a startup, and they are about to go through series B funding and we are in good shape to do well but the budget is a little tight til the summer and I am all he has. He says they will try to get a designer if they get the money this summer, but I don't know. I have some bad gut feelings because of some of his attitudes and beliefs. Seems like a guy who might say something like "It's not personal, it's just business."
  • edited March 2016
    "3. Because we strive to be planful rather than simply reactive, the Office of Institutional Research will provide Deans and Heads/Chairs with reports on current and past enrollment in courses subject to this policy that fall below the appropriate minimum every semester."


    LOLOL BECAUSE WE STRIVE TO BE PLANFUL

    PLANFUL


    We
    Strive
    To
    Be
    Planful

    These are the people who are in charge of deciding what classes ought to be offered to YOUR CHILDREN, as well as what the learning outcomes of those classes ought to be. LOL I don't know, maybe "knowing which words are actually from a human language vs. which words were made up by corporate tech CEOs who couldn't find their asshole if a giant monster was coming out of it and who certainly should have nothing to do with educating our nation's youth" could be a learning outcome! Don't ask me, I'm just a trained educator

    I'm sorry; I know I should strive to be encouragative rather than punishatory.

    https://blogs.msdn.microsoft.com/oldnewthing/20120807-00/?p=6923
  • edited March 2016
    p.s. this is from an extensive memo about "serving student needs" the only takeaway of which is that profs need to enroll more kids in their classes or the classes will be canceled and the profs will have to teach extra classes the next semester

    nothing serves student needs like jam-packing a classroom full of more students than a professor can learn the names of or possibly give substantive comments on the papers of. I'm so glad higher admin has students' best interests in mind; wouldn't it be awful if all they cared about was cutting costs to further pad administrative salaries! Can you imagine if our universities were being run by THAT kind of person! Thank god
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