Have to toot my own horn just a tiny bit
since no one is around to toot it for me
and I'm away from my colleagues and my department
I just formatted the shit out of it (203 pages; weird margins; weird double-space between footnotes, looks like dogshit but what can you do? Rules are rules)
and sent it away forever!
There is no taking it back.
They will now tell me if it is acceptable enough to defend.
If it isn't, I guess I will keep working on it? I don't know. I will be devastated beyond belief, and will cry.
If it is, though, I will defend it, and at the defense they will tell me everything that is wrong with it and all the stuff I need to change.
Then they will tell me if it will be acceptable to file it once I have made the changes.
If it is, then I will go to wherever I am staying and make all the changes they say I have to make.
Then I will either go to Kinko's and print it out
Or I will ask my department's student affairs officer if I can secretly print it out in the TA Office and if she has any of the fancy paper you have to print it on. This is a long shot; probably Kinko's it will be, where they will no doubt do a terrible job and waste a bunch of my cash.
Once it's printed (2 copies, 3 copies of the title page), I will take it to the filing lady, who will tell me if it has been formatted correctly.
It almost certainly will not have been.
So I will go back to wherever I am staying and format it until the wee hours and stress out about my musical examples.
Then I will print it out again. This costs roughly $50 due to the fanciness of the required paper stock.
Then I will take it back to the filing lady.
If she approves it, she will count all its pages by hand using one of those weird sticky finger things, and then FILE IT
And I think give me a piece of paper saying I successfully filed it?? Not sure.
AND THEN I WILL BE A DOCTOR
NOT THE KIND THAT CAN FIX YOUR BROKEN LEG
THE OTHER KIND
IT TOOK ME ONLY FIVE AND A HALF YEARS OF MY HARD-EARNED LIFE